I've Stopped Counting The Days.....

First let me apologize for being away for so long. My intention when I started this blog was to chronicle my journey through separation and if it should come to pass, the divorce process. The theory behind my thinking was that the writing process would act somewhat like a catharsis.....the funny thing is, it's hard to write when you're trying so hard not to think about what's going on.

I spend most of my personal energy keeping my deepest thoughts and feelings about what's going on shoved into some sort of security prison lock box. I figure that if I tell myself the lie I that I'm doing fine and that before you know it I won't care about the "soon to be ex", that some how I'll believe it. I actually think that the lies work, that is until the night time comes.

He was not just the true love of my life, the other half of my soul'd self. He was my safety, my security, and my covering.....he ripped all of that away from me when he left. I feel a fear that I've never felt in my entire married life. It's hard to sleep when you think that you're going to open your eyes in the middle of the night and find a stranger standing there ready to take your life and that of your children.

Something must be working because I do manage to get some sleep, and somehow I manage to make it through most of my days without thinking about him. All that I can tell you is that I've stopped counting the days. I can tell you that it's been about a month and a half. I guess now I'll start thinking of the time in weeks and not days. That's progress......right.