So what happened today to piss me off? I can hear you asking yourself. Well of course today is the dreaded Saturday, the "soon-to-be ex" brings over the car so I can shop. Today he drops off the car and instead of waiting at the house, which I was grateful for, he said that I could drop the car off where he was staying and he would drive me back home. I said, "No way!". I have no desire to want to drive over there, and what, take the risk of running into his mom or some other relative. Side note: his mother, the grandmother to my children has yet to try and call the kids to see how they're doing. What kind of Grandmother is THAT!
I digress....anyway, I dropped the kids off at home and decided I would try not being so juvenile and thought I would drive over to where he's staying, just to the corner of the block and he could get in the car, I would drive back to my house and then he could take the car. If I did this he wouldn't have to manage his way to my house on foot, or on public trans.
Well... when I called to tell him I was driving by he wasn't there....well, needless to say my switch just flipped! I lost my composure. I guess I figured if he wasn't home where was he. I'm trying my best not to care. There's no law that says he has to stay home all of the time.....problem is I still care.
I was more angry with myself for losing my composure.....it makes me look weak and I know it. I left him a few "choice" voice mail messages. Which I regretted almost as soon as I left them.
Anyway, later on he sent me a text in response to mine....the first thing I did was apologize. I told him that I was just angry.....and he said those words! Why! It only served to make me angry all over again!
Every day in the work world I have to carry myself strong and self assured able to make the hard decisions and stick with them. Why can't I be the same way now.....I say to myself that this too shall pass, but dear God, can you please make it sooner than later?
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