Today...I Opened My Heart And Let Go

Just when I thought my separation couldn't get any worse......it did. I know that may sound cliche, but it's true. This past week had to be the worst so far. Until now, I really think that I was making progress, learning to accept my situation, how wrong was I.

It's funny what you'll find when you're looking at the family plan cell phone bill. Yes I handle the family cell phone plan and yes, the soon-to-be ex is still on the plan. Long story....can't get him off the plan right now. Any way, the bill has been going up the last few months. I thought it was me talking to my mom more frequently......but nooooooo it was a barrage of daily phone calls from the "soon-to-be's" cell phone.....to a woman.

My heart sank as I ran through the cell phone call logs for the last few months. So I did what any normal woman would do, I called the number. I introduced myself and told her that I was looking at the cell bill and noticed this number was on the log almost daily for my HUSBANDS cell number. She gave me the most condescending attitude that I've ever heard. She proceeded to say, "I'm just a friend and a colleague".

All I could think to myself was "damn"......she's the other woman. You know the funny thing about it, in the beginning of this whole mess, some of the the few people that I did tell, asked me was there another woman, and I always said no, because I really didn't think so.

The "soon-to-be" said that she was just a friend, blah,blah, blah! So of course we had to have the inevitable argument. Me being the techno-savvy that I am, was able to find out, where she was living, working, and found her on  a social network. I wish I had never found her....because now her face is forever branded in my memory........maybe someday it will go away.

So last night as I slept, I think that God and I were wrestling, wrestling for a promise. I needed to tell the "soon-to-be" really how I felt about everything since he left, but I didn't want to. So today when he came to drop off the car I told him that I needed to talk to him.

I just let it all out........exactly what was said I will not detail for you here, however, I know now that I really can go on.

I have clue what lays down the road......but I feel relieved, I feel as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I made it through the "he left me", and "the other woman". The only milestones left would be the "I'm filing for divorce" and the "here are the papers".

I opened my hear and let everything in it go......now there's room for other things.