Will the Holidays Ever Be The Same.....23 Days and Counting

 While all the world around me is counting down the number of shopping days until Christmas, I'm counting down the number of days until the start of a new personal trial, surviving the holidays alone.

I've always known that the holidays are extremely difficult for people who have suffered loss, separation, or divorce. There are some people who haven't experienced any of these things and yet still the holidays prove to be a battle between them and looming depression.....but now I think I'm starting to understand why.

The holidays are the time of year that reinforce the principles and ideals of family and togetherness, so it would stand to reason that the holidays with almost 100 percent certainty will awaken feelings that we have struggled all year to lull into a coma. (Or in my case 7 months as of December 11)

You would think that with taking care of four kids, working and going to school full time, plus all of the things I do with church that wouldn't have enough time to think about these kinds of things.....but I have come to appreciate just how long a split second can be, it can seen like an eternity.

"“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” ― Khalil Gibran"

 It's in the string of seconds that I can feel the beast that lives inside my heart stirring, anxious to find the veil of my emotions, thin and worn, so it can escape. And so the struggle ensues.

In the mean time I will go about as normal, wearing the mask of daily living. I know that this war will not last for ever, after all nothing really does. So if you come across this, say a prayer, or just think of me and send love, light and strength my way, in the hopes that this too shall pass ~